The Measurements

So I went to the doctor yesterday to have my weight checked and now I know where I stand and what I have to work with.

As of Friday November 28th 2008

Current Weight: 292.4 lbs
Height: 5 feet 6 inches
Chest: 47 inches
Waist: 48 1/2 inches
Hips: 55 1/2 inches
Left Arm: 16 1/2 inches
Left Leg: 35 inches

Slightly embarrassed and not at all shocked, I realized how far I let myself go. It makes me wonder why I would let this emotionally damaged part of my life go untreated for so long. I know that I knowing is half the battle, it can only get better from here, life goes on, if you can't succeed try,try again.... its just that I wish I had started this a long time ago!

In the last year I moved away from home with my mother to live with my dad, then moved back to living with my mom, back to my dad's, then recently being shipped off to Saskatchewan with my fiance, Ari. Through this time my weight has ballooned. I went from 235 lbs to my weight right now (292.4 lbs) gaining 57.4 lbs in the last year... gosh... Well I've let my bad habits and my emotional eating take over my life.

I don't want to admit it but I am not just overweight, but Obese. My BMI (Body Mass Index) is at 47.2 when it should be 18.5 - 24.9 which in turn means that I should weigh about
120 - 150 lbs (give or take a couple of lbs) in order for me not to be at risk for some pretty nasty diseases and illnesses. Not to mention looking smokin' hot!

I have been looking around at some of my options: like taking a weight loss program, getting a trainer and nutritionist, going to counseling in combination with meditation and looking after my well being through yoga and journaling and time reflection, portion control, starting a walking group in town with some of the ladies that come into my work on a regular basis, rebounding (mini trampoline), going to the gym or an all women's gym, going to OA meetings (Overeater's Anonymous), getting a exercise machine and working out at home, or all of them.

The only down fall is the money issue. Some programs cost a ridiculous amount of money and hiring specialists cost lots too. But its my health and I have probably spent more money on stuffing my face with nutrition-less, sugar loaded junk food than I could ever spend on a program. I look at it this way.... I could keep spending money on things NO ONE needs to make myself sort of feel better (which in the long run will only make me feel worst and gain even more weight) or use that same money and put it towards something that is going to change my life so dramatically that I won't need those tasteless, calorie filled pitfalls EVER AGAIN!

My weight loss journey is more than a physical one, the core is deeply emotional. Dealing with stresses, problems, and traumatic experiences that I have been covering up with food for years is not my ideal way of solving this issue but I feel its the only way. Facing my demons and really taking a deep down look at myself, will be a rude awakening but I have to realize that its not that I am fat, for the sake of being fat... but that I am overweight because I have let my escape from reality be food. In order for me to allow my emotions to let go of the weight, I must let go of my emotions.