AAAACHHOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

I have a really nasty cold or flu or something along those lines. My ears are popping, my head hurts, my nose is stuffed and then it wont stop running! I am coughing up mucus and sneezing out snot! I am not ammused. Another unamusing thing is that tomorrows temperature in Melville is going to be -22! ARE YOU FREAKING SERIOUS!!!! The heat in my suite doesn't work as it is, so now I'm going to be sick and freezing. Maybe an upside to feeling ichy is I don't have to go to school! YAY

Full Scale Attack!

Yeasterday I went to Canadian Tire and I bought a scale :) it was VERY expensive on my small budget. It measures more than just my weight but it does a body analysis ( body fat in pounds, bmi, bone mass, body water, weight from start, wieght from last weigh in, and weight to lose till you get to your goal.... which it defaults at 10%). I brought it home and it wouldn't work! I called the customer service number and she told me to use the instuctions basically backwards..... I tried that and it still didn't work. Eventually I came to the conclusion that what I was doing was setting my goal weight to big. I was putting it down to 135 lbs and when I did that It would say ERR and turn off. So I reset my user on the scale so that my goal weight was the default 10% and then it started to work :) except it still won't read my water and my bone mass but I'll figure that out later :) I'm just happy that it works all the rest of the buttons.

PICTURES!!!

Today I thought that I should put some pictures that I took today. Its gotta be done! I thought I would show you a recent face picture first because I think its pretty :) and because I didn't have any recent pictures of me on here...

I took this one just a moment ago so that I had a recent picture :)

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And here is what my whole body looks like right now. (just taken today)

The worst angle possible! but later it will really show how far I've come. (taken right before the photo above)

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Looking at the picture of my body that I have been so desperately hiding for my whole life, makes me think...

I ACTUALLY HAVE A REALLY NICE BODY! Not this big but if I were to take off all the weight then I would be ridiculously good looking. Its not that I am a hideous beast, I just have a flaw that can easily be dealt with. All I need is some self control on my part.

Plus: I need to buy a scale. I can't progress if I don't know where I'm at. Silly me :)

The Measurements

So I went to the doctor yesterday to have my weight checked and now I know where I stand and what I have to work with.

As of Friday November 28th 2008

Current Weight: 292.4 lbs
Height: 5 feet 6 inches
Chest: 47 inches
Waist: 48 1/2 inches
Hips: 55 1/2 inches
Left Arm: 16 1/2 inches
Left Leg: 35 inches

Slightly embarrassed and not at all shocked, I realized how far I let myself go. It makes me wonder why I would let this emotionally damaged part of my life go untreated for so long. I know that I knowing is half the battle, it can only get better from here, life goes on, if you can't succeed try,try again.... its just that I wish I had started this a long time ago!

In the last year I moved away from home with my mother to live with my dad, then moved back to living with my mom, back to my dad's, then recently being shipped off to Saskatchewan with my fiance, Ari. Through this time my weight has ballooned. I went from 235 lbs to my weight right now (292.4 lbs) gaining 57.4 lbs in the last year... gosh... Well I've let my bad habits and my emotional eating take over my life.

I don't want to admit it but I am not just overweight, but Obese. My BMI (Body Mass Index) is at 47.2 when it should be 18.5 - 24.9 which in turn means that I should weigh about
120 - 150 lbs (give or take a couple of lbs) in order for me not to be at risk for some pretty nasty diseases and illnesses. Not to mention looking smokin' hot!

I have been looking around at some of my options: like taking a weight loss program, getting a trainer and nutritionist, going to counseling in combination with meditation and looking after my well being through yoga and journaling and time reflection, portion control, starting a walking group in town with some of the ladies that come into my work on a regular basis, rebounding (mini trampoline), going to the gym or an all women's gym, going to OA meetings (Overeater's Anonymous), getting a exercise machine and working out at home, or all of them.

The only down fall is the money issue. Some programs cost a ridiculous amount of money and hiring specialists cost lots too. But its my health and I have probably spent more money on stuffing my face with nutrition-less, sugar loaded junk food than I could ever spend on a program. I look at it this way.... I could keep spending money on things NO ONE needs to make myself sort of feel better (which in the long run will only make me feel worst and gain even more weight) or use that same money and put it towards something that is going to change my life so dramatically that I won't need those tasteless, calorie filled pitfalls EVER AGAIN!

My weight loss journey is more than a physical one, the core is deeply emotional. Dealing with stresses, problems, and traumatic experiences that I have been covering up with food for years is not my ideal way of solving this issue but I feel its the only way. Facing my demons and really taking a deep down look at myself, will be a rude awakening but I have to realize that its not that I am fat, for the sake of being fat... but that I am overweight because I have let my escape from reality be food. In order for me to allow my emotions to let go of the weight, I must let go of my emotions.

The Background Story

Here is a picture of me (far left) when I was living in the Bulkley Valley. Either in grade 5 or 6. As you can see I have always been a little overweight and it made me very aware of my body and my dislike for it. Ever since I can remember, I have looked down on my body as something ugly and undesirable. Using food to make me feel better but always feeling worse after. Its not that I was an ugly child, I think it was the constant nagging of relatives and people I was close to that made me want to do the opposite of what I should be doing. When they told me to stop eating I would keep on binging on whatever I could get my hands on. I dont really understand why I insitead on being a deviant child when it came to food. When I think deep down about it..... I think I felt that it was the only aspect of my life that I could control. Everything else I had no choice about. I still struggle with the belief that I am being controlled and I constantly make food the number one thing I reach for when I get those feelings.

Welcome to my blog. It is going to be VERY exciting! This is my little corner of the Internet that will serve the purpose of being a constant reminder to one of my ulitmate goals - WEIGHT LOSS and my life during the crazy change! I hope with this blog I can inspire myself and others to make a healthy life choice and get r done!

Not only will I be updating you on my everyday life but the important progress of my weight.
I will be including my starting weight, measurments, short term and long term goals, what I am eating, my exersice schedule, pictures, perhaps videos, and lots more.

I can hardly wait to get everything up and running. I hope it motivates you as much as it motivates me! Feel free to ask me questions and write me messages because I will reply to all :)

Thanks for the Support!